Valentine's Day - It's Not Just For Lovers
Are you dreading or looking forward to Valentine's Day?I
know it can be a cheesy little holiday, but when you think about it,
why not have a day that celebrates romance? If anything, we need more of this in our lives.
Wherever
you are in your personal journey; single, engaged, married or divorced,
enjoy yourself this month. It's a time to treat yourself to something
fabulous to get you in the spirit of giving and receiving. No man in
your life? Buy yourself some gorgeous flowers and place them next to
your nightstand. Roses preferred!! Go out for a gourmet meal or book a
spa day. Get the picture? Surround yourself with people that are on
your team. This means, people that adore you and think you are
something special. Be kind to yourself. Make this the moment to forgive
yourself for choices you've made and forgive anyone who you THINK has
wronged you in any way.
Baggage is heavy and no one wants to carry it for you. Travel light!!
In
order to fall in love you have to know how to give AND receive. So if
you're not in a relationship right now, start practicing! You don't
need a man in your life to celebrate Valentine's Day. I heard from a
friend and client the other day that she's hosting a big dinner party
for all of her girlfriends. I think that's a fabulous idea!
Be
happy for your friends who ARE in love. Your time will come if it
hasn't already. I seem to get a lot of calls and emails this month from
women that are truly upset about their single status and having
difficulty supporting the friends who have found love.
Don't be that woman. Be unique. Be supportive. Love attracts love.
Remember, I spent a decade helping love happen for others while I was single.
Negativity will get you nowhere.
You're not alone. Take a deep breath and give thanks for all that you DO have in life.
Your family, friends, career, health and a bright future.
Men
are attracted to happy, positive, confident women. Fill yourself up
with your own joy so being with you will be a luxury and not a chore.
Happiness begins with YOU. Not a relationship.
When love strikes, it happens quickly. Your life can turn around in a blink of an eye.
Posted by April Beyer
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Ask April - Advice for a Skeptical Single Dad
Dear April,
My question is for my 37 yr old son. His first wife became mentally ill and left him with 4 children. He fell in love after with a beautiful girl who was a player and said she had the same values but didn't. He is very skeptical about dating and seeing through to the core person sooner before he gets too involved emotionally, especially because of the children. He has several women after him. He's very good looking, professional, great dad, religious--a real find(not just a mother's opinion). I've been married for 39 years and know there's not a perfect person out there, but there has to be love and workability. How does he find what he's looking for, past the hungry-looking women that he's afraid may end up being psycho?
Sincerely,
Rose
Dear Rose,
.
Your son certainly has his hands full with having 100% custody of his 4 children, all while trying to manage his career and date at the same time.
He should definitely be selective and proceed with caution as he gets to know someone new. Not because there are "hungry" women out there, but because he doesn't trust his own instincts anymore. Why should he? He has chosen incorrectly twice. This is really what it boils down to.
The woman he chose as his wife was obviously the wrong choice. Since he is 37 now, my guess is that he married in his 20's? If you know anything about my message, you already know that it's very rare that I think anyone should be married at that age.
Perhaps he could not see her mental illness early on, or it came on later, but he would definitely spot it now as a 37 year old man. He needs to forgive himself first, and then move on.
I am a big believer in assuming responsibility for your life. Your wins and your losses.
It seems to me that he went ahead and chose another woman that was not worthy or right for him. She was beautiful and a player as you say. It is your son's job to choose wisely. It's also his choices that are leading him in the wrong direction. Does he allow the beauty of woman to cloud his better judgment? Believe me, if that's the case, he's not alone. Most single men struggle with this.
First things first. My advice to him is to take a small step back from dating right right now. He should take some time out to learn what he needs, what the children need and who would be the appropriate partner, wife and mother for his family. Not always an easy thing to do since no one wants to be alone.
If he met a wonderful woman today would he be constantly questioning or wondering if she is for real?
For a nice girl that truly is falling for him, this will only make her want to run in the opposite direction. It's not fair to make people pay for the mistakes that we have made in the past.
Your son sounds like a desirable man but having 4 kids full time changes his dating dynamic. It's a lot for a new woman to take on. Especially if she is younger.
I would worry less about him running into a "Psycho." Lightening usually doesn't strike twice.
All he needs to do is be himself and keep his eyes and ears open. If he is meets a new woman, he will know within 3 weeks if she is for real. Again, not by interrogating her, but by observation.
There is a way to spot a "taker." Does she add anything to his life? Does she pick up the phone and invite him for coffee or dinner? Does she have stable relationships with her parents, family and friends? Does he do all the heavy lifting in the relationship while she sits back and let's him do everything for her?
Again, I stress the importance that he looks at the inner qualities of these women, as the woman he chooses will become instant full-time mom of 4 children.
If he's paying attention to the road signs, he'll be okay. If I were coaching him I would encourage him to stay out of a sexual relationship until he learns about someone and to not introduce her to his kids until such time.
I wish him all the best for his future.
Warmest,
April
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Internet Dating Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
At least to your emotional health. For some people, dating on line can cause feelings of low self esteem. It can really put a ding in your confidence if you're not careful. I'm sure you've been through it. Great email correspondence and a few flirty exchanges and then all of a sudden, silence.
Did he meet someone else? Was it something you said or didn't say? Should you update your photo? Send him a note asking what happened?
My head is spinning just thinking about all of this anxiety.
This is a virtual world. Virtual Jack or Jane can't possibly reject you! Why?
Because until you meet this person face to face- they do not exist!
Don't allow yourself to sink into self-doubt simply because a virtual stranger didn't respond to you, your profile or your photo. Take everything in stride and try to have fun with it. Dating on line can work, just make it a supplement to your search and not your only path.
You must realize this is JUST another avenue. Don't strictly rely on your computer to bring love into your life. Relationships are created by real human contact, not sitting in your living room.
I'm meeting way too many women that are ONLY dating on line. Blaming their jobs for the reason why they just aren't meeting enough people. Don't kid yourself. You wouldn't be meeting someone at work either. It's just an excuse. Now that we are all adults, we have jobs that take us away from our personal lives. You are no different than anyone else. It just takes more effort to get out there. What about the rest of your life? After work, weekends?
Let's face it. On line dating can be fun, but it has it's challenges and quite frankly, it's made people lazy.
My advice is to get out into the real world. Smile at someone. Make new friends. Get out of your comfort zone. You're far less likely to be rejected if someone has the opportunity to see who you are in person.
Posted by April Beyer
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